Reflection
by N Tonks Fan
Summary: S2Ep10 - Survival of the Fittest. Lexa and Clarke have escaped from the giant Gorilla and have taken up camp for the night. As Clarke sleeps Lexa thinks back to their first meeting and all that has transpired between them since. Basically all of their interactions from Lexa's point of view.
1. Chapter 1

**Set towards the end of s2ep10 (the King Kong episode). One of my favourite episodes I think as it's one of the first times you get to see the softer side of Lexa and the line where she tells Clarke she's safe just gets me every time! **

Lexa stared into the depths of the fire willing the throbbing from her arm to reside and give her a moments rest. Despite her exhaustion she had been sitting up all night, not due to fear of the beast escaping but due to the continual pain emitting from her shoulder. Growing up she had always focused on becoming a warrior, had never taken much interest in healing. She was living to regret this decision now.

It had been a long drawn out night especially after Clarke had passed out and Lexa had been left alone. Her suffering was greater than she had let on to Clarke. Commanders had to deal with pain with dignity, people lost faith when they saw that their leaders were not invincible. She knew that many of her people already thought of her as weak due to her merciful ways and the truce she had agreed to with the Sky People, yet it was she Lexa that had done what no other Commander had even attempted – she had united the twelve clans.

The first rays of dawn were starting to gleam through the trees. She would wake Clarke soon so that they could make a hasty return to the village and she could seek out a healer.

Her eyes wandered across the forest floor and landed on the sleeping form of Clarke. Despite having only known each other a few days the other girl had made an impression on Lexa. Whether this was a good thing or not Lexa did not yet know.

When the young leader had wandered into her tent just a few nights previously she had already made up her mind to hate her. She was the one that was responsible for burning numerous warriors alive after all. Yet she had found herself intrigued by Clarke from the offset.

Lexa had been surprised by how young Clarke was despite her own tender age. She couldn't help but feel admiration for the girl for walking into the Grounder's Camp alone. If she was afraid she was doing a good job of hiding it. With Indra on high alert and Lexa's own cold, hard exterior it was hardly a welcoming reception yet Clarke had stood her ground. Her biting remarks had amused Lexa. She had not let her enjoyment show however, as she had to keep up the façade of an intimidating warrior.

Mentioning her time with Anya and presenting Anya's hair had been a cunning ploy Lexa had mused. One which had issued Clarke some of her rarely given respect. She wondered whether it had been thought out or whether it had come to Clarke on the spot. Either way, the talk of her former mentor was what had convinced Lexa to at least consider the proposition of a truce.

The idea that Clarke could have escaped with Anya from the mountain did not fathom with Lexa but what reason would the girl have to lie? Either way it was true that the Mountain had taken many of her own people captive and if the Sky People had been targeted too then that meant that they shared an enemy. An enemy that had been taking her people for years was a greater one than the Sky People despite all the lives that they had taken.

When Clarke had uncovered that the Sky People could revert Reapers back to men Lexa had been doubtful. The Sky People were far more advanced than they were yes but could they really possess the kind of knowledge or technology to revert the monsters back to their former selves?

Other Commanders may have quelled the peace talks there and then but not Lexa. She prided herself on being a fair and just leader. This did not make her any less violent prone however. If the Sky girl turned out to be lying then the Grounders would attack as planned.

As they had arrived at the drop ship and laid eyes on Lincoln's lifeless body fury had flown through Lexa's veins. How dare these people try to defy her? She felt almost foolish in a way for allowing herself to be taken in by Clarke's innocent face. In some ways she had also been disappointed. Working alongside these people may have been their chance at last to take on the Mountain Men. It would be out of the question now. She may have convinced her people had the Sky People been true on their word but now that they had defied them…

When Clarke's mother had suddenly thrust the electric sword into Lincoln's chest Lexa had been taken off guard. Was this some sort of ritual to honour the dead? She was speechless when Lincoln suddenly awoke. Did these people have the ability to return others from the dead? She grew weary in that instance. Perhaps they had more to fear from these people than she realised. It may be better for all of them if they were to fight on the same side.

When she had demanded that the boy Finn be handed over and saw the shock edged on Clarke's face she knew that he must be someone that she cared for deeply. Lexa had forsaken love long ago but she still found it deep within herself to pity Clarke.

It was not enough to be convinced to let him free however. When Clarke came begging for his life and offered hers in exchange she had felt disgust. How could this girl call herself the leader of her people when she was willing to sacrifice everything for just one person?

Lexa had stood stony faced as Clarke had broken down infront of her and pleaded with her to be merciful. It was outwith her power by this point. Her people expected blood and she intended to give it to them. Perhaps it was cruel to showcase the boys suffering in front of his people but it had been Indra's request and as Lexa was frequently denying the fierce warrior of her animalistic instincts she felt it was in her best interests to allow her one favour. She needed Indra's support after all.

Lexa had watched in distaste as Clarke had allowed her emotions to overcome her. She felt let down in a way as she had thought that she had seen the makings of a great leader within Clarke. Clarke had fallen to pieces however and was letting her emotions rule her. This was the precise reason why Lexa had chosen to keep her feelings detached. It had not been easy but when she saw the pain that Clarke was experiencing she realised she had made the right choice.

She had found herself unable to look away from Clarke as she saw the young girl slowly start to come to the realisation that her lover was lost. A strange sense of calmness had washed over her face as she had asked Lexa if she could say her goodbyes. Lexa had permitted her this trivial request as she wanted to let the Sky People see that they were not the out of control savages that the Sky People thought of them as. Lexa may have abandoned love but she still understood others desires towards it.

When Clarke had stepped away from the boy and Lexa witnessed his limp body and Clarke's shaking bloodsoaked hands she could not help but feel impressed. Perhaps there was some fight left in Clarke after all. She had chosen the alliance over the boy she loved. She had accepted that he had to be sacrificed and had prevented him from suffering an agonising death. Lexa felt the fury of her people yet she did not share their views. If she had been in the same position to do for Costia what Clarke had done for Finn she would have. She felt glad that she would never have to be in a position like the one she had put Clarke in. She would never allow someone to take over her heart again.

The great strength that Lexa had just witnessed in Clarke was slowly crumbling. Her whole body trembled, and the tears flowed steadily as she hyperventilated. Here was the young girl that had been forced to advance before her years. Had taken on the burden of keeping her people alive and already had the blood of many on her hands. Clarke was just like her Lexa had mused. Perhaps this was why she viewed Clarke as the true leader of the Sky People and not any of the adults. She could tell that the adults did not respect Clarke as their leader but the younger ones did. It was Clarke that had kept them all alive when they had first been sent down to the ground. She was the one that had fought against and then negotiated with the Grounders. She was the first one to have ever escaped from Mount Weather.

When it had come time to burn the murderer's body Lexa had allowed Clarke the privilege. It mattered not to her who set the soul alight as long as he had paid for his crimes with his life. It was partially a political choice too. Her people had to respect her decision to work alongside the Sky People. She had to lead by example and show that if the two leaders could respect each other then so could the rest of their people.

Lexa had found herself unwillingly opening up to Clarke after that. She had not spoken Costia's name since the day she had died yet she found herself telling Clarke all about her brutal murder. She had even admitted to the agonising pain that she had felt. Why had she exposed herself to someone she had known for just one day? Why had she let her defense down and shattered Clarke's illusions of the frosty leader that she was? Lexa could not answer these questions. There was just something about Clarke…

_**That's it for part 1, hope you enjoyed it! **_


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry this is so short but it just felt like a natural divide in the story before the next chapter.**

...

Lexa had felt Clarke's pity towards her as she had spoken about Costia and she resented it. It was one of the reasons why she never let her true feelings show for she hated pity. Pity intensified emotions, made them harder to keep under control. Not that her people were quick to give out pity to each other. She had immediately hardened under Clarke's understanding gaze and had gone on to instill her belief of love being weakness. Her confession just seemed to make Clarke pity her even more which irritated Lexa. She could not afford to have someone as soft as Clarke beside her in battle. She would have to teach the other leader the importance of emotional detachment.

When it had come time to celebrate their truce Lexa had chosen to drink with Clarke. She somehow took pleasure in undermining the girl's mother who seemed to think that she was in charge. Lexa had decided from the moment that Clarke had thrust the knife into her lover that she was the true leader of the Sky People. It had taken great strength and showed Lexa that Clarke had the potential for greatness if only she were willing to desensitise herself.

At the realisation that Gustus had been poisoned Lexa had become conflicted. The alliance with the Sky People was their only hope for the Grounders trapped in the Mountain but an attempt on her life was not something that could be ignored. Her fear at the thought of losing her protector heightened her fury and she had turned on Clarke. She could sense by the shock in her eyes that she was innocent but as their leader it was she that Lexa blamed. Having just recently opened up to Clarke she had taken the betrayal personally, something that she had been trained not to do yet it was as if her training was slowly seeping from her brain as she stood eye to eye with Clarke. Even when the evidence was found Lexa still hesitated. She had grown to grudgingly accept the Sky People, this was their only chance of a truce. There would be no going back. Lexa had to side with her people however and the attempted murder of the Commander was punishable by death.

She had notice that Clarke was one of the few of her people that did not come out to witness the punishment of the one named Raven. It showed poor leadership skills Lexa observed. A leader should be with her people. Perhaps it was too much for the young girl to face so soon after the death of the boy. If that was the case then it was best that their alliance was over Lexa had concluded. She had no patience for the weak minded. Once again though she was infuriated by Clarke's obvious fragility. Why did it bother her so much how Clarke chose to live? Not for the first time when questioning herself about Clarke, Lexa could not come up with an answer.

Clarke had slightly redeemed herself in Lexa's eyes when she discovered what had truly happened with the poisoning incident . Lexa had been taken aback as Clarke took a swig from the bottle. It took true conviction for the girl to risk her life based on a hunch. Admiration had flooded through her. What was it with this girl? How could she be so weak one minute yet show great courage the next? She was clearly a complex character which intrigued Lexa. She prided herself on her ability to hide her feelings while being able to read others so well but Clarke was the one person that she struggled to figure out.

With the revelation that Gustus had been the guilty party Lexa could once more feel Clarke's pity towards her. She forced herself not to look at her. It would only make what was to come more difficult. In some ways now the two leaders had something in common - having both been forced to kill ones that they cared for, for the good of their people.

After she had ended the life of her most trusted guard her eyes had sought Clarke's and she had allowed herself to wallow in Clarke's intense stare so full of warmth and sincerity for just a moment before turning and walking away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the final chapter :)**

...

The next day had been the start of the preparations for war. Clarke had entered the meeting with just one guard, something which had impressed Lexa. It showed her people that there was nothing to fear from the Grounders, it was a strategy that Lexa herself would have adopted. Having come to understand some of Clarke's ways Lexa felt it was likely that she probably did trust the Grounders and trust that she would be safe with minimal protection. That was a mistake that could cost her her life Lexa determined. Her own motto had always been to trust no one.

Some of the strength that Lexa had sensed within Clarke on their first meeting seemed to have returned. She was perfectly able to stand her ground against some of Lexa's more stubborn Generals and Lexa was happy to stand back and watch the young leader defend herself against men that were twice her size.

She had wanted to follow Clarke out of the room when she departed but she had forced herself to remain where she was. She could not explain her need to be close to the other leader, perhaps it was just the fact that they were the only two people that could begin to understand the horrors they had each had to face at such a ripe age.

A niggling feeling had began in the pit of Lexa's stomach when after a few minutes Clarke had not returned. She had been around Clarke enough times now to know that she would not just abandon something so important in the bid to rescue her friends. Lexa's concern had grown when she noticed the absence of Quint whose brother had died as a result of Clarke.

As she and one of her generals had searched the surrounding forest a sense of panic had begun to engulf Lexa. What was wrong with her? Panic only made things worse she had reasoned with herself yet she could not get the feeling to go away. Was her concern for Clarke purely for the sake of the alliance or was it something else?

They had come upon Clarke in the midst of a struggle with Quint. Without thinking Lexa had thrown her dagger into the air and watched it land with satisfaction in the Grounders hand. She had allowed herself a moment to acknowledge the fact that Clarke was safe before marching furiously over to the one that had been so close to killing her. Despite not wearing her war paint she was still able to mask her emotions. The overwhelming sense of relief and the terror she had experienced upon being seconds away from losing Clarke were kept buried.

Lexa had recognised the moment as one of teaching and had graciously handed over Quint's life to Clarke. She had been genuinely interested to see what Clarke would do. The Commander side of her had urged Clarke to make the kill yet the softer side of her did not believe that she had it in her. Clarke would let her consciousness get in the way. It was something that she would need to let go of. Leaders did not have the time to have a consciousness. Perhaps this was the side of Clarke that intrigued Lexa so much though? Did she really want to take that away from Clarke? Lexa had never been around anyone that was as gentle or that cared as much as Clarke did. Maybe it was a case of fear of the unknown when it came to being face to face with the other girls intense emotions.

She had watched expressionless as Clarke had shakingly raised her weapon but the terror on her face had been enough to show Lexa that she was not capable of carrying out the deed. Yet just a few seconds later when they had been facing the beast Clarke had shown no sign of fear and had fought back with ferocity. Lexa could still not comprehend how she managed to look so weak one minute yet strong the next.

As Lexa was grasped by the giant animal she had begged Clarke to leave her and save herself yet Clarke had been determined to save them both. It had been stupid but Lexa had to admit brave at the same time. It had angered her that Clarke was so reckless and she had been quick to lecture her. Had she really been angry though or was she using it as an excuse to hide what she was truly feeling? Was the lecturing a way of avoiding having to connect on a personal level with the fellow leader?

Lexa could still remember Clarke's firm yet tender touch as she had fixed her arm in a sling. She had felt her body tense at the time but now she felt herself craving for more contact. She had not been close to another for so long. She shied away from physical contact with others due to its close link to emotional contact. So why now was she thinking back to that moment and willing for it to reoccur?

Perhaps Clarke had made a greater impact on her than she thought and in just the few short days they had known each other had started to rip down the barriers that she had set up to protect herself and her people.

Clarke had changed too. Lexa's teachings must have had some effect after all. When Clarke had told Lexa she had saved her from the beast to protect the alliance it had felt like Lexa had been slapped in the face. Shouldn't she feel happy that Clarke had acted for the good of her people and not due to her feelings? Yes was the answer but then why had it hurt so much? Clarke had done exactly what Lexa had been trying to make her do all along. She had resolved to lead them out of the room with the beast outside. She had refused to accept death as their outcome when Lexa herself had surrendered herself to it. She had sent her beloved second into the enemies layer and somehow gotten over the guilt she had carried for the death of Finn.

The roar of the beast interrupted Lexa's thoughts. Clarke sat bolt upright the fear evident in her face. Lexa softly reassured her that she was safe. Having stayed up all night and watched Clarke sleep so peacefully she had developed a protective instinct over the fragile girl.

As they made to leave their camp Lexa did something that she rarely did. She admitted that she had been wrong about her impression of Clarke. Their time together had shown her the true strength of the other girl, despite her many flaws. Clarke gazed back at Lexa with such intensity at that moment that Lexa found herself unable to pull her eyes away.

Clarke was the one that finally broke the contact and as she turned away Lexa found herself slowly releasing the tension in her body that had built up unconsciously as she had locked eyes with Clarke.

**Thanks for reading! Reading back through this it's not my best piece of work but I've already moved on to more exciting (and hopefully better) stories! **


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